meh

sorry i haven't posted in awhile. i have been working a crap ton and moved back home and stuff like that. moving home... well it is good and bad. it's weird having to tell my parents where i'm going and when i'm going to be home. but im kinda stuck right now... either i move out and be free... then never do school or i stay home with little freedom and have money for school.... decisions decisions. but i think that i would much rather have money for school and just deal with the stuff they do. i do like living at home tho. but it's sooo weird that i'm never going back to my dorms to live there again. way way weird. lol. but at least my commute will be a lot shorter to school. slcc is only about 20 minutes away from here. weber was about 35 minutes from here. idk what classes i'm going to take in the fall either. i'm kinda nervous to register for classes just in case i can't afford it and have to wait until the spring to enroll in classes but i think i can afford it.. i just acutally need to save money haha. i have issues with that. but now that it is summer i'm working my ass off and getting as many hours as i possibly can. who knows maybe my boss will let me get some over time :P haha that would be so nice cuz i would make so much more money. i want to get a job as a cna at lakeview hospital this summer so i can keep my certification... but i hate the training and having to deal with my schedule with two jobs... it's just so much easier to have one job and gets lots of hours lol. i hope she gives them to me tho. sigh. well i wrote calvin a couple letters and sent them out yesterday and i'm going to write another one tonight while i have time. i can't wait for him to reply and then send another letter because if i did that... i would get about 3 letters from him for the 4 months he is going to be gone.. lol. but i still have dinner with his family once a week and that really helps me mentally and emotionally. i miss him so much it hurts. i cry a lot over it. i just hate the feeling of not knowing when i'm going to see him again... it just freaking sucks. he told me not to go to japan this year because it's too expensive and his mom wouldn't have the time or money to come with me and he doesn't want me going by myself. but if he can't come home for christmas..... then i wouldn't see him again until july..... of NEXT year. that is a very long time to not see a loved one. especially your boyfriend. a year and 4 months... i just pray that we can make it work. i mean now he has skype which is really good for me because then i can kinda see him. he is worth the wait that is for sure... it is just super hard sometimes. i get really lonely and sad a lot. brooke helps a lot by keeping me busy and we have lots of fun hanging out and stuff... but sometimes its just not quite enough. i just miss him.. so so badly. this is the first summer i've had without him also so it's definitely something i'm going to try to get used to.... hopefully. well i am pretty tired so i'm gonna log off now. i love you calvin. peace out.