why??

sigh. so i just barely moved home yesterday afternoon and it feels really good to be home again surprisingly. i thought that i would dread it because i would have no freedom but my parents are actually being pretty cool. but let's just hope that it stays that way. lol we shall see. man calvin is about to skype me for the last time before he ships out on a boat for 4 months.... great. back to letter writing that is going to take weeks just to get to him. fanfreakingtastic. well there is nothing that i can do about it. i'm excited for him though because he gets to go to hong kong and korea and thailand and a few other places and that is such an amazing experience for him. he better take lots of pictures and then put them up on facebook when he gets back to his computer. sigh. well it looks like i might not be going to japan this year. i don't know. maybe i will be? ugh stupid military! i hate how everything is so last minute and unplanned. calvin told me not to buy a ticket this year because it is so expensive but if he is not going to be able to come home for christmas... i am damn well going to see him whether he wants me to or not haha. if he doesn't come home for christmas and i don't go see him in october or september... then i won't see him until summer of next year..... ya i think that is way too long. that would be so hard. not seeing calvin for over a year... i could do it because i love him obviously but it would be sooo hard. that is about the time i want to freaking get married to him so that would be awesome if we could get married then. :) on july 26th our anniversary. man that would be so freaking awesome!!!! lol. man i love him so much and i miss him sooo badly. i am so lonely sometimes but i know it's just going to be temporary. he is my everything and sometimes i feel like he is never going to come home. i know that is silly but it's just how i feel sometimes. i just wish that he wasn't so far away. 6000 miles is a very long distance to be away from the person you love. sigh. well i'm just going to work all summer long and try to enjoy it as much as possible. at least i have brooke :) she keeps me sane. lol. well i'm signing off so i can talk to calvin soon hopefully. i love you calvin. peace out.