freak

so ok i have officially decided that i am a freak. haha i have been looking through pictures on facebook for like an hour now and i'm like man i hope calvin proposes this christmas. i'm really trying not to get my hopes up because i really don't think he is going to. i wish he would but i don't think it's going to happen because he wants to ask my dad for permission and idk if he will give it to him. at this point i honestly have no idea what my parents would do if i were to get engaged. seriously. i hate that feeling. it used to be they would like flip a bitch if i got engaged but they love calvin so much i don't know anymore. lol. i guess not knowing is better than knowing tho becuase that means they probably won't flip such a bitch. haha. i'm just a freak for wanting him to now i guess. haha cuz i know that he spent like all his money on a plane ticket home so there is probably no way he could buy a ring unless he did like a payment thing which i doubt. so i'm just tryin to keep my hopes down so when he leaves... again sigh.... i won't be so upset that he is leaving AND that we're not engaged. there is no rush though. i would wait forever if i had to. i just want to be married to him. lol. we have been dating for about a year and a half now. that is crazy. it's hard to remember what it was like when we weren't dating. lol. i miss him so much it hurts. i am SOOOO happy that he comes home in three days.. but i'm sooo freaking sad to think about him leaving and having no more vacation... for five months. sigh.... yay for me. it's weird to think that i will have only seen him twice in eight months..... wow. i thought that these months were hard.. and it was only two each time.. just think of five. 2 months x 2 months + 1 month = really depressed ellie. anyways. i had better head to bed soon. thinking about it is making really sad. peace out.