life

man.... so i cried last night because i missed calvin. i haven't cried in awhile about it but i was watching say yes to the dress and it just made me think of weddings and calvin and idk. lol. i just got really sad and starting crying. i miss him so freaking much and it just sucks so badly sometimes. i wish he was home here with me and his family. he is not coming home for three.... years..... that is such a long time. and it's weird to think that i'll be twenty one in three years and he will be out of the navy in four so i'll be twenty two and he will be twenty six. that is sooo weird to think about. i wonder if we are going to get married while he is still active or if he wants to wait. either one is fine with me but idk. i just wish that i could be with him but i know that i need to finish my school and that is my biggest priority along with him. i just can't wait to marry him and have babies with him and just get to see him all the time. i'm not saying we are going to have a fairy tail life or anything like that, but just having him in my life is like a fairy tail to me. lol. he is my everything and i miss him so much it hurts. i just need him here and he can't be here. i'm just so glad that i at least get to talk to him on the phone now. because there are going to be times where he won't be able to talk on the phone for weeks at a time and that is likek going to kill me because i am always going to think he is like dead or hurt or something is terribly wrong. i think that is the worst part of having loved ones in the military is that you cannot communicate with them like at all and you never know what is happening. i just keep telling myself at least he isn't doing this as a career. idk how i would handle that. he would always be gone. after we had children they would never see their father and that would just suck in my opinion lol. he is going to be a great dad :) lol i just can't wait to start our lives together. well sorry for all the mushy gushy shit but it was just how i was feeling today and a lot lately. lol. so i love you calvin. peace out.