my life right now

sighhhhhhh. calvin being gone is really taking it's toll on me. this time is different than the others because i have no idea when i'm going to see him again and it just freaking sucks. i have good days and bad days and today is definately a bad day. i just want to curl up in a ball in my bed and cry myself to sleep right now which i probably will do later tonight. i didn't know it was humanly possible to miss a person so much but i do. lately every time i think about him i want to cry cuz i miss him so much. and other days every time i think about him i'm extremely happy. like i can't stop smiling after i talk to him on the phone cuz the sound of his voice makes me happy. sigh. i'm probably going to be a mess on valentines day. i mean i still have someone i love and that is wonderful, but the fact that he is not going to be here is what makes me so sad. i'm thinking of asking my parents to buy me a plane ticket for my birthday again. cuz brooke and i want to go to washington dc this summer and i need to save money for that. it would be sooo fun to do. i hope i get to. anyways. calvin gets his station sometime next week and i'm praying everyday that it is somewhere close to home. please please be close to home. it just sucks because i know that all i can do is sit here, hope for the best, and go to school. i mean i'm sooo gratful to have such a wonderful and loving boyfriend, but to not have him here with me.... it just sucks. i miss him ALL the time. there isn't a moment where i'm not thinking about him. sigh. life goes on i guess. i just wish that for four years... it would move a lot faster than it's going to. lol. anyways. i had better get to bed so i can get up for class tomorrow. well i love you calvin. peace out.