sigh.....

man, so i have been dealing with calvin leaving a hell of a lot better than i had the first or second time when i had to leave him... until tonight. lol i just started thinking about him and i haven't cried about it in qutie awhile cuz i figured it did no good but on my way home today i just like lost it. i needed a good cry and i definately got one lol. i miss him so freaking much and i just sucks that he is gone and i can't see him. he said he is probably going to get his duty station sometime next week  and i pray to god that it is california. please please be california. i can drive there if i wanted to. maybe with brooke if she wanted to come. lol. it's just close and warm and would be a wonderful place to be stationed at. it would make me feel really good cuz he is so close ya know? i guess florida is alright and just anywhere on the west coast is good. just somewhere close is all i want. so then i can fly down a weekend to see him or something without having to pay five million dollars for a stupid ticket. grrr the plane companies drive me insane. i want to shoot them for making their prices so high. good god seriously. lol. well i'm doing ok now. i got a good cry and i think that is all i just needed for now. i miss him 24/7 but sometimes i just feel soooo alone. i know i'm not at all but just having him so far away makes me sad sometimes. but i'm already more used to it than i used to be. bootcamp was a huge wake up call and i think him being gone has improved our relationship rather than destroyed it at all. we were both worried about him leaving and what it would do to us but i guess there was nothing to worry about. the only thing to worry about is making sure that he is safe the entire time he is in the navy and he comes home in the same health that he left in if not better. i pray for that all the time. his safety. as long as he is safe, even if he is gone, i'll be just fine and so will our relationship. i love him so much. he is my life and my future. anyways. i had better go.. early class tomorrow yay. i love you calvin. peace out.