mondays.....

ya... so i seriously hate mondays... especially when my best friend has the entire week of and i get one freaking day.. friday. ya that's great. stupid school. i'm going to go hang out with her today in just a few tho :) yay! well each day is getting easier that calvin is gone only because i know that i'm going to see him in like 23 days :) hehe that sounds long but it's really not. i just hope that it is going to fly by with work and homework and hanging out with friends and just doing everything possible. i'm haning out with Calvin's family tonight and i'm really excited. it's just hard sometimes because i see his car and his room and his family and i just want to cry because i don't get to see the one thing most important... him. well things could be so much worse. that thought alone is what is getting me through him being gone and not being able to talk and me not getting his letters because of the stupid mail. idk what is wrong with it. whenever i'm really sad i just keep thinking that i'm going to see him soon and that he could be in the army instead of the navy and could be in iraq right now instead of illinoins. i hope that he never has to go to iraq or afgahistan. i'm sure he will at one point in his career but i hope it is for a very short time like my brother. he only had to go to iraq for 4 months in his entire career in the air force. i was so grateful for that. life seems to be getting so complicated sometimes. idk i just feel like so many things are changing and once i start to get used to them... things are going to change again. but i guess when you're with someone in the military that is how life is going to be for awhile. and i keep thinking well at least he only signed a 4 year agreement so far. i will just see where life takes us and maybe he will sign up for another 4 years. i hope he doesn't but who knows.. maybe in 4 years i'll change my mind. i'm going to be honest right now... i do believe we will get married within the next 2 years. i don't mean that in a naive way like "oh my life is happily ever after and everything will be just fine as long as i'm with him". i do believe that in a way but i know that's not realistic at all. things are going to get a lot harder than they are now i believe and who knows what is going to happen. all i can say is that right now things are great and i hope we will be together forever. i love him with all my heart and soul and i can't imagine not being with him or his family. there is no rush to get married tho. i mean i would say yes at any point in time. i just mean if the timing was wrong financially and a lot of other reasons.. i would wait a lifetime for him. he is my one and only and i never want to lose him. :) wow i'm being really mushy gushy today sorry. haha. well so far i have gotten past the point of crying a lot. i mean i do sometimes at night right before i fall asleep because i'm thinking about him. but it was really bad the first week. i mean i cried ALL the time. i didn't want to hang out with people, i didn't want to go to school, i didn't want to do anything but sit in my room and cry. and the weird thing is that when i was like 16 years old.. i told myself i could never be with sometime in the military because i couldn't handle not seeing them that much. but look what happened? haha i'm fine with it now and i miss him so much it hurts all the time but i know that he is just a plane ride away and that helps a lot. if he were in iraq or afgahistan.. that would be much harder to see him and it would bother me. just like the fact that he is going to be on a boat for months at a time and i can't see him. well he will have a cell phone but i doubt the reception is going to be great on a freaking boat in the middle of the ocean. haha. well not being able to talk to him for like a month has really given me a taste of how it could be sometimes. i mean i have talked to him once in 4 and a half weeks. he is getting my mail but i'm not getting his. i guess i would rather have it that way then him not be getting my mail cuz it would makes things much harder for him. well so far bootcamp sucks for him.i feel so bad and wish i could just like hug him and give him more encouragement every day but i can't. i love him so much. well i'm about to head down to brookes so i need to get off the computer now. peace out :)