sad :(

so i normally dont post twice in one day so it's a weird day today. lol. i just got back from hanging out with calvin's family and idk everytime i go over there i see his car and his room and his clothes and i have an amazing time hanging out with his family... but i just cry as soon as i leave. every single time! just stop!!!! oh my gosh! what the hell is wrong with me?! i just miss him soo freaking much and i just want him to get his ass here so i can kiss him and hug him and just be with him every second and make up for the time when he has been away. he is my life and my everything and i just want him home with me. that's super selfish i know. i try not to be and i try to just be happy for him because this was his decision for what to do with his life. but in some ways i just wish he picked something else. so we could be together. well distance either wrecks a relationship or makes it better than it was before. i have heard from calvin once in 5 weeks but i think our relationship is much stronger because of it. we miss each other so much and we learn to appreciate the time we have to spend together and how precious it is. today i hung out with brooke and it was fun :) she always makes me feel better and gets my mind off things. i love her to death. i just wish my calvin was here too ya know? all i ever think about is him and how much i miss him and can't wait to see him and ah! it's just overwhelming sometimes and i just want to curl up in a ball and just cry sometimes to let it out. cuz i miss him so much it hurts. i cried all the way home on the 30 minute drive from calvin's house. i do that like every time. things could be soo much worse i'm sooo glad that they aren't, but i just miss him soo soo badly. i sleep with his bear he gave me a lot and i wear his hoodie i stole a lot too. it gives me a sense of him being close to me i guess. i just can't freaking wait to fly out to see him in 23 days... i'm soooo looking forward to it. i think i'll like start crying when i see him again. lol that's like all i seem to do lately. well i'm gonna try to get some kind of sleep tonight so i better head to bed. goodnight. peace out.