random......

so i'm sooo freaking frustrated at the moment. i'm not getting calvin's letters and it's sincerely bothering me. I have talked to him once in one month. it freaking sucks ass. i hate it soooo badly. the people down at the community center said the mail is fine and i should get it if the box number and last name are correct. well i'm not getting it and it's not calvin's fault. his mom dad and sisters got one so why the hell don't i get one? sorry but it just pisses me off that my mail is only messed up when its extremely important for it to be correct. i can't wait another three weeks to hear from calvin again. i just can't. so i really really hope that he can either call me again or his letters get here like tomorrow. i check my mail every day in hopes that i will get his letters and every day i get this huge let down and i hate it. i just REALLY hope that this month goes by extremely fast cuz i have a lot of fun plans to do things and i'm getting more hours at work and school is getting harder. so i hope that the combination of all of that will help keep me sane and happy this next month. 28 days is when i get to see calvin and it's not that long. i guess i'm just being a big baby. it could be so much worse right now. like he could be in afganistan with no communication whatsoever. i think if that ever happened... i honestly do not know what i would do. i would be sick with worry every day that he might be dead in a ditch somewhere. i think that navy is better than the army cuz it's not like crazy gun on gun war a lot. he is on a boat in the middle of the ocean for months at a time. that's going to freaking suck so badly but i at least know he is safer than in the middle of a huge war zone. i miss him so much it physically hurts. i pray for him every day and i seem to cry a lot. haha like i said.. big baby. haha in soo many ways i just wish that he stayed here and we got married and we took out a loan to pay for him to go to college and then the policy academy.. but i know that's not realisitc. he wants to do something with his life besides work at walmart forever and taking out lots of loans is not a smart idea. i just wish that he could have signed up for like a two year contract rather than a four. so then i would be out of school and he would be out of the military and everything would be handy dandy. well i guess i'm not a realisitc person. i hate movies that don't have happy endings... life is not going to be a happily ever after and i can't keep thinking that or i'm always going to be let down in life. life is not a fairy tale no matter how much calvin is my knight in shining armor. don't get me wrong.. i'm extremely proud of him for what he is doing. i admit i do not have his courage and i love that about him. i love everything about him. the way his voice calms me down when i'm upset, the little surprises he does for me like kissing me when i least expect it, the way he knows exactly what to say in like every situation, the way he speaks his mind and doesn't ever let anyone push him around, the way he listens to me, the way that nothing is ever awkward and we are our complete selves around each other, his cute sense of humor, his drive for life and to do something with it, the way he loves his family and loves me and how we are the number one priority in his life, the way he loves kids as much as i do, the fact that he hates stupid drama and talks things over rather than fighting, the fact that we have never had a fight... i could go one for hours but i won't. i think that gives you a small idea of how wonderful a man calvin is and why i'm soo lucky to have him in my life, let alone have him be the love of my life. i'm soo fortunate to have so many people in my life that love me and i'm gratful every day for what i have. well since i have spilled my guts out on the computer now, i think i need to do some homework. I <3 Calvin :) peace out.